04 August 2006

Domestic Negotiations.

For the marriage counseling file, humor from McSweeney's:

Agreement on My Behavior When You Come Home From Work
I, your husband, agree to ask you how your day was when you come home from work. I also promise to not just "act interested" in what you have to say but to "be interested" in what you have to say.

SIGNING STATEMENT
While I will try my best to follow the guidelines of this agreement no matter how Dr. Phil–ish they may sound, you should be made aware that I still don't understand why "acting interested" is considered a necessary component of "being interested." Just because I sometimes don't look up from my computer when you're talking to me doesn't mean I'm not interested in whatever it is you're saying. I am. I am a lot. With that said, your timing is often terrible, like when I'm instant-messaging with J-Dawg, the co-manager of my fantasy-baseball team. We're in first place this season, so it's important we keep in constant communication, in case we need to make any changes to our club. So, yeah, I'll do the best I can, but if Bronson Arroyo strains his oblique muscle and goes on the 15-day DL, be prepared to save whatever it is you need to tell me until after J-Dawg and I have finished our business.

For your edification and possible use, all the signing statements are here.
 

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